


To Be Loved

by Foolish_Moon



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M, Original Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foolish_Moon/pseuds/Foolish_Moon
Summary: "Nick... I loved him." "Of course you did."Or else he wouldn't have ended up at a lowly bar every other night, drinking his heart out until it's 4AM, too drunk to remember the hurt that always came over whenever she spoke his name.  ...A coworker dies in the line of duty and Judy grieves. ANGST





	

  
Everything happened too fast and she was too slow. The reinforcements came moments later and the mastermind was cornered into giving up and the case was solved and everything should have been alright already but it wasn't. Not for the ZPD, and especially not for Judy Hopps. 

Before taking the criminal down, he got one of them. A rookie hare that just joined the force a month or two before. A far too ambitious, but well-meaning hare. He was a klutz and a sweetheart. And Judy came to adore the white hare. She watched him behind his struggles and efforts and how he slowly overcame every hardship that was thrown at him. Feelings of bliss spread across Judy's chest every time the hare gets a 'good job' from Chief Bogo, as if she was the one being praised. And every time he showed a sign of shortcoming yet persevered in the end, she felt her own smile subconsciously grow on her face.  Their small conversations and his awkward efforts to impress her made her heart burst in softness she never felt before. And by then, she knew she loved him.

"No, no, no. Officer Loppes, stay with me please." Fangmeyer, the closest one to his body, ran and pushed down the gun shot wounds to stop any more bleeding. "Officer down! I repeat, Officer down! I need medics, fast!" The officer pleaded through his radio. Judy stood there, frozen yet trembling. Everything was a blur. Figures of the medic team ran past her yet she stayed there, still, unmoving. She felt empty. Lost. Confused. The white uniformed animals tried to stop the bleeding in every way possible. 

But Judy knew, by her guts, she knew. 

And slowly, the animals around her stopped moving. A heavy hush invaded the scene. 

"W-we... Lost him.." One of the medics muttered under a stifled crack in his voice. "The bullet scraped slightly at a major aorta vein resulting in severe blood loss..." The other medic exclaimed in sorrow. Fangmeyer buried his face in his paws, a sob growing. No one was expecting violence. It was just supposed to be a stakeout for a small time drug syndicate whereas they'll wait for the meet up then arrest them on the spot. Other police officers from a different positions of the mission finally arrived at the scene only to stop running, realizing the situation. All of their faces contorted to horror and disbelief, some of them even kicking the ground of the warehouse out of frustration. One of those was a red fox, panting, searching for his partner.

"Carrots??"

After spotting his friend at the other side of the area, standing and staring mindlessly at the scene, he ran over to her. A face of guilt and despair shadowing his features. He grabbed her shoulders from behind, rubbing it a little before whispering, "Go." His best friend needed  the nudge or else she wouldn't be able to move. 

 _ _I couldv'e saved him!__ Judy cursed in her mind as her knees broke down beside the unmoving body, tears dropping down her face relentlessly. "V-vincent..." She cried, grabbing his lifeless paw. Her ears were drooped down behind her back, the lowest Nick have seen it down. "I am so sorry.. I could have saved you. I should have ran faster. I should have called out to you. I am so sorry." She muttered behind sobs and hicks. "There was nothing else you could have done, Officer Hopps. Don't blame yourself." Grizzoli hugged the bunny's shoulders, trying to lessen the pain of guilt even for just a little bit, if it was possible. But it wasn't.

And she cried for hours without stop. For her fallen comrade, for the fallen man. Because she loved him. And Nick sat beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, watching her, sharing her pain. As her cries go from loud sobs to little hiccups, he stayed with her. Even when they picked the body and brought it the ambulance, she stayed by the stains of blood, and he stayed by her. And the dawn of morning broke yet her heart remained in the darkest pits of the horrid night. And so will his. Wherever she goes, he will too. 

* * *

 

The funeral happened a few days later then the burial a week after. The Chief allowed every officer that was dispatched that gruesome night to take a weekend break to relieve the stress of the past event. Some are getting better, and the laughters were gradually coming back. But not for the gray rabbit. No, not yet. 

Judy Hopps left the ZPD without a word and headed for her apartment, wanting to just forget the weight of everything through sleep. She promised herself that next week, she will do her best to be the optimistic officer that her coworkers know. But this day, she allowed herself to suffer, she had no choice.

Nick followed after her silent figure, worried. For days, he watched her idly by the corner of the room, not approaching her, giving her space. But his eyes never left her, no, they wouldn't even if he tried. He was sad about the death of his fellow police officer, yes, but the sight of her usually joyous face darkened by the tragedy hurt his chest more. He wanted to run towards her, carry her out of the room, do everything he can to make her forget all that happened. But he couldn't be so selfish. She needed to be alone. And being her best friend for almost 3 years, he knows when he needed to distance himself. 

And when to come back to her side. 

"Carrots." He called out, desperate for at least an ounce of her attention. He just wants to see her happy again. 

"...Wilde." The rabbit turned to look at her best friend. 

"Ugh." He put both his paws on his chest, while he mocked an expression of dismay. "I didn't know we're back at last name basis. I thought we were closer, Carrots." He was trying. She needed to, at the very least, smile. 

She gave him a frown. "But we are." She explained weakly. "I'm so sorry, Nick. I really am not in the mood." She held her left arm while looking down. Nick dropped the act, matching her frown. "I tried." 

"Thank you, Nick." And she really is thankful. She knew that he distanced himself from her the last few days, as she watched the lifeless hare at the altar. Of course she knew that it was Nick who gave her daisies and her favorite carrot chips and left it at her desk  at her apartment on the last day of his funeral. The newly cleaned sheets of her tear soaked bed, the warm Raspberry tea waiting on her table after every meeting about the case, and the small notes on her apartment's door with lame puns written on them every night. Those were all thanks to Nick. Even this small attempt to make her smile. Yes, other fellow officers grieved with her and gave her words of comfort. But Nick did more than that. And she was eternally thankful. 

But even with all his effort, of course the mass of the hare's death still towed her down. 

"I'm going home now, Nick. See you next week."  She told him as she nodded then turned around to continue her steps.

"Wait, Judy, please!" He semi-screamed. The volume and tone of his statement as well as his use of her name was enough to make her give him a second glance and stop her tracks. He grabbed her arm, squeezing it a little. "Let's stop by somewhere first and I'll bring you to your apartment, okay, Carrots?" 

"But Nick, I just really need to-"

"Come on, Judy. For me?" He stared at her eyes, probably one of the most intense ones he's given her in their 3 years of friendship. Judy broke off the contact then looked at the ground. And as much as she wants to forget everything in the world for the moment, not Nick. Never Nick. 

"Fine. I want some tea." 

"Blueberry pies it is." Judy just rolled her eyes, but subconsciously, a small smile was on her lips.  

* * *

 

"You've got to see that Francine and Ed are hitting it off. I mean, before I was doubtful, but I saw them at the locker room actually holding hands! Interspecies romance are quite adorable, don't you think?" Nick told her as he put their orders down on their table where Judy was waiting. Blueberry pie and black coffee for Nick, and Apple Lemon Tea (triple sweetness) and carrot cake for Judy. 

"Well, love is love after all, no matter what form it is.." Nick sensed the sudden downfall in her mood. He took a bite at his pie and gestured her to eat her cake. "Your mother's blueberry pie is way better." He told her, watching what her reaction would be. But instead of her usual proud smile and perky ears, he got a small thanks instead. He sighed. She was just looking out the window, her face on her paws, and her ears are flat at her back. He sighed again. 

"Come on, carrots. Go and eat. The faster you eat, the faster you can leave and go home." He told her gently as he cut the cake for her. He got some of the cake and a little bit of icing and motioned her fork towards her face. Judy turned to her partner then nodded a little,  agreeing with what he said. She accepted the cake then took the fork from his hands.  _ _Maybe it's still not the right time...__ Nick bitterly thought as they silently ate their own food. One week of not talking to her is like torture to him. While pondering over whether or not Judy still needs space, he unconsciously got her Apple Lemon Tea instead of his coffee. 

"OW FUC--" 

Judy's ears perked up by the sound of her best friend's screech. 

"Nick?? Are you okay???" She asked worriedly over the table. 

Nick continued to breathe heavily over his burnt tongue. Considering that Judy didn't touch the tea yet, it was still freshly hot and incredibly sweet. Too sweet. 

"Damn it, cotton tail, you call that sickeningly sugary drink a tea?? I thought teas were supposed to be healthy??" He exclaimed as he motioned for a cup of water at the waitress. With ice. 

"Huh? you drank my tea?" She blinked, curious to what happened. 

"Accidentally. I accidentally drank your tea. I mean, if you wanted something THAT hot and sweet, I'm all yours for the taking already." He winked while the waitress put his glass of water down. The sides of Judy's mouth twitched a little. 

"What are you even saying, you doofus?" A small giggle emerged her lips. _ _Bingo,__  he thought proudly as he chuckled with her.  

Then Judy told him that he wasn't that hot (but yes, he is quite sweet). He retaliated with a wink and told her that she is quite blind. She said she was not. He told her she's in denial. She just rolled her eyes. And even for just a few moments, their usual banter happened. And Nick felt his chest swell in accomplishment. 

* * *

 

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Nick asked as he stood by her apartment's door frame. Judy nodded, a small smile of gratitude plastered on her face. She grabbed one of Nick's paws and held it. "Thank you so much, Nick." A gentle smile appeared on his features, touched. 

"Anytime, Carrots." He tightened his paw over hers.

Then he left. Then she closed the door. Then darkness sunk her in. Again.

* * *

 

The loud ring of his phone echoed violently in his humble apartment. The red fox groggily sat up on his bed, grabbing his phone over the bedside table. He was just in his boxers, and the night temperature was too cold. A small shiver escaped his mouth. He rubbed his eyes while he look at his phone's screen. His eyes widened when he read the caller's name. Names, to be precise. 

"What happened?!"

"We don't know, but she's crying right now. We can hear her trying to cover her sobs. She was shouting in her sleep just a while ago, we have no idea what happened." 

"I'm on my way." 

"Ok. Take care." 

Nick grabbed his green shirt, his mismatched tie still attached to it, and his usual casual pants. He grabbed his apartment keys and exited his place in a blink of an eye.

* * *

 

Judy's neighbors, Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson were already standing in front of her door. They knew her for years now, and the pair grew a certain affection for their brave but fragile bunny neighbor. 

"Do we knock??? Should we knock?"

"How would I know?! What am I, a fortune teller or something?" 

"I was just asking, dammit!" 

"I was just answering, you goof!" 

"Hey guys, stop it!" Nick went between them. 

"Oh, fox. That was fast!" Nick befriended the couple since he first visited Judy's apartment over a year ago. They were interesting, to say the least, but one of the biggest reason why he befriended them was for emergencies like this. For her. And he also appreciates the fact that the couple actually cares for his partner. 

"Here, we already got the spare key from the landlady. Comfort her for us, fox." Pronk told him as they walked back to their place. Bucky patted his back.

"Thank you. I owe you guys a lot." 

"No problem, just make her stop crying at least." 

"Will do." They closed their door. Nick took a deep breath then unlocked the door. 

The creak of the door made Judy's ears perk up under the blanket. The soft sobbing stopped. Her attention was now to the one that made the sound. 

"Judy." 

The rabbit took off the blanket that covered her, her eyes wider than usual. She sat up, her gaze not leaving him. 

"Nick?! Wha-what.. Ha-how? Nick??" 

"What happened, carrots?"He whispered as he sat down on her bed. 

"Ho-How d-did-?" 

"That's not important. Tell me what's wrong." 

"Nick, I just- really- I don't- I can't." She was stuttering between sobs. No words can describe what she was feeling. Lost? Terrified? Empty? Hurt?Those words wouldn't suffice. If she started talking, she knew her tears wouldn't be able to stop. If she started telling him, she knew she would crumble down. And Judy wasn't ready to break down in front of her best friend. She was supposed to be strong, to be brave, to be unbeatable.  Pain glazed over his eyes while he watched the rabbit shake. It hurt him, seeing her this way.  

"I shouldn't have left you. I should have stayed. I'm so sorry Judy." Nick held his paws together and leaned his elbows on his knees, his forehead pushing on his combined fists. His eyes were shut close but his eyebrows were obviously furrowed. He failed his best friend. He failed her. 

"No! Nick, it's not your fault. I- I'm just too weak right now, I'm going through..things.. A-and I just need to fix myself but I-I'll be fine." Judy wiped her wet cheeks, wanting to show him that's she's better. Guilt flowed through her, to see her friend so frustrated like this. Just because of her stupid weakness. 

"That's why, Judy! That's why I should't have left you! You were weak, still. I was so cocky! Thinking that just because you smiled a little at my lame jokes, that I made you laugh, you felt tons better!" He growled the words at her, turning to face her. His eyes were wide with anger. Judy backed away a little. She passed their predator and prey prejudice already but him actually shouting angrily at her, raising his fangs at her, it scared her. "I'm so full of myself..." He muttered bitterly as his rage weakened. Judy stared at the fox, not knowing what to do. 

"So Judy, please. Tell me. Let me help you. I love you, and I care. And I just need you to get better because heaven knows if you don't, I won't too." He grabbed her smaller frame, hugging her. Judy grabbed his shirt, clutching tightly it as response. Silence surrounded them for a few moments until Judy's muffled sobs echoed through their embrace. 

"I could have saved him, Nick." She whispered under her hiccups. She was going to break down, she knew it, but for some reason, she couldn't stop her words from flowing out. Maybe it's because he was holding her. Or the fact that no matter how utterly destroyed she feels, she was sure Nick would be there to pick up her scattered pieces.  "I was just a few meters away from him." He patted her head while she hit him out of frustration. "I could have pushed him! I could have called out to him..." His eyes were pained, he could feel his shirt turn wet with her tears. Her nose was twitching. 

Nick Wilde has been with Judy Hopps since their fateful encounter that day three years ago. And to say that he cares for the small bunny would be an understatement. The fact that he made it through police training and left his sketchy life was all because of her. The broken childhood dream that dwelled in his heart was replaced by the memory of her putting his badge on him. The ache of the times of how he saw the world before, as unfixable, was replaced by this warmth of acceptance and repentance of her crying to him, asking for forgiveness. He did not just care for Judy Hopps, oh god no, his feelings were deeper than that.

"J-just a week ago... He was still there, Nick! Still moving, talking, and breathing..." She continued, pulling his collars down to make him look at her. "He was still alive! But now..." Her bright purple eyes were damp and her face was disheveled. The sight of her reddened eyes made his chest tighten. He swore he almost lost his breath when fresh drops of tears rolled down her cheek. "It's my fault, Nick..." 

His paws held her face, pulling her closer to him (if it was possible). He touched his forehead with hers, his eyes closed tightly. "It wasn't your fault, Judy." He muttered painfully. 

"But I was there and I could have-"

"So was Fangmeyer. And I'm sure he thinks the same way." Judy fell silent. 

"The world's unfair, Judy. It's not because you were incapable, if we'll be honest, you're probably the most capable person that was present then. But... This world, Judy, this world is a dirty, cheating, pool of pure bullshit." His eyes were steadily on hers. His expression was unreadable but Judy swore she could see a tint of anger and sadness behind those eyes. "And sometimes, when you think you're already there, when we all think that the world is slowly getting better, shit like this happens. And we'll be back to square one. And just like before, we'll be confused, we'll be lost." He grabbed her paw, putting it on his chest. "Then we'll think that it's because of us, of how incapable we are."

Nick chuckled weakly. 

"That's what I thought, anyway." He smiled at her, a smile so frail yet so sincere. 

" It was you who changed that for me." He whispered, touching her cheek. 

"You showed me how real the world is, how it's disgustingly broken, but undeniably hopeful. How it strives to get better, to stand up, to learn from its mistakes." Her tears were halting. "How it tries so hard to fix itself. How it tries so hard to accept yet correct its flaws." He grabs one of her ears, gently pulling it. "For us to move onward. For us to never feel incapable or inadequate. For us to not live believing we are failures." 

"Judy, this world is not perfect. But it's beautiful. And I know it's still painful. But please, don't ever think it's your fault a life was taken away." He finished sternly. Nick knew that it was not his thing to give emotional statements like this. But just like Judy, he couldn't stop it. He needed her to realize how desperate he was for her to feel better. Nick loves Judy. He wasn't sure what kind of love it was, but yes, he loves her without question. It was more than what a friend would admit though. It was an unexplainable love he had lived with since a year ago.

Silence.

"It was dark." Judy took the blanket and covered her body. She put part of it over Nick's shoulders, which he was very grateful for. The fox huddle closer to the rabbit and she didn't seem to mind. "dark and cold and damp, just like that night." She hugged her knees, her eyes staring at her work desk while she tell him details of her dream. Nick put his elbows on his knees, his arms crossed over. He was thankful that she has calmed down enough to be able to tell him what happened in her sleep. But a part of him was reluctant to hear her thoughts about  his past comrade. 

"I've had dreams of that night before. But usually just blurry parts of it. This night was an exception." Nick looked over his partner, her eyes were darker. Maybe it's because of the shadows of her room? 

"And everything happened faster than what I could remember. But everything was the same." Her voice was getting smaller and smaller by the second. "That evil crook still shot Vincent. He got hit on the chest, blood still spilled..." Nick swore he could feel her trying her hardest to stop the sobs. "But this time, Nick... He...Vincent... He was staring at me." Judy looked at her palm as if there's blood on it. "His... Corpse, it was staring at me." A sob was released from her mouth. "A-and I heard his voice. He was calling out to me. And I thought that he was alive, and I was so happy. But he wasn't. And I swear Nick, I've never been so terrified in my life. I tried running away, screaming, but his corpse... It kept appearing in front of me, and his voice, it didn't stop." Her small voice squeaked.  

"It was traumatizing. I think I failed him..." The red fox stared at the smaller figure, at her tightly closed eyes. It pained him, for her to be so frail, but it pained him more to hear her speak about the hare. Nick cursed himself internally, how can he act and feel so selfish when she's already in despair. 

"Nick... I loved him." Her voice was small. Nick blinked then shifted his gaze from her eyes to the wooden floor. 

"Of course you did." Or else he wouldn't have ended up at a lowly bar every other night drinking his heart out until it's 4AM, too drunk to remember the hurt that always came over whenever she spoke his name.  

"You knew?" She asked, a little taken aback but not really surprised.

"You never really hid it, now, Carrots?" He smirked while he stood up from her bed. "Or maybe I'm just that much good of an observer?" Or maybe he just looks at her too much. 

"No. I think you just know me too well." Judy responded gently to her best friend. "Maybe this pain that I'm feeling... I think it's regret." she grabbed his arm, Nick stared at her paw. He wasn't willing to hear what she was about to say, because he was certain that it was about the hare and he knew that that well-known pain in his chest would appear again. 

"I should have told him that I loved him."

Nick turned his face away. 

"Oh god, I really did love him Nick!" Judy grabbed her face, the reality and mass of her feelings overwhelming her structure. His chest tightened and his shoulders, stiff. It was heavy, too heavy, for him to hear her speak out her feelings. He wasn't ready. He would never be ready. 

"Nick. I love him. Even now, I-" 

Everything inside him felt broken, yet he embraced her, her shivering body, her dreading heart. And even though the name that came from her mouth wasn't his, he would hold her, he would be there. 

"I know, Judy. I know." 

* * *

 

The first signs of the breaking of dawn entered the apartment's window. Light pink shades and a gentle glow of orange combed through its panes, hitting the face of the slumbering gray rabbit. Her eyes fluttered open, the emptiness of her ceiling greeting her. The pair of orbs looked around, the tint of red fur appearing at the side of her sight. Judy sat up to stare at the sleeping fox beside her, warmth overflowing her chest. Nick had hugged her until she stopped crying and stayed with her until she fell asleep. He was not wearing his shirt, she took note, probably because it was soaked of her tears and sleeping with it would have been uncomfortable. Her paw ruffled the back of his ear, earning a small whimper from him. Her look softened as she stared at the gentle breathing of her fox. How can an animal be so kind, Judy doesn't know. 

She couldn't imagine life without him since the first 48 hours they spent together. Would it be considered selfish for her to think that? 

"Nick." 

The night before, she was in the darkest pits of her suffering. She could remember her chest aching and how wrenched her guts felt. And she cried quietly, painfully. But the tender patting of Nick lessened the hurt. How his arms were wrapped around her. How he kissed her head and hummed her soft lullabies just to calm her down.  _ _How can someone be this kind?__ she thought once more.

Weak was not a word animals would associate with Judy Hopps. Fragile? maybe. Small? Acceptable. But she, herself, and others would never consider her weak. And she took pride in that. But she knew Nick thought differently. She knew how protective he would get over her in the most subtle way possible. And she knew it wasn't out of pity or underestimation, a fact she was thankful for. It would always be out of care or dare say, affection. But last night was different. Both her mind and body were limp and Judy wouldn't even be bothered if someone actually said she was weak -she was the weakest she could ever be- because it was the truth and she was an honest rabbit so why even deny it. But to her utter amazement and wonder, Nick never made her feel as such. How he did that, she may never know, but one thing she was sure of was that she was beyond grateful for him doing so. 

 The room was getting brighter and her chest felt lighter and somewhere in her heart, she could still feel the pain but for the first time since the hare's passing, Judy felt okay. She felt better. Tons better. And it was all thanks to him. A toothy grin appeared on her features. She felt ready. Ready to take on challenges again. Ready to banter with her partner and solve cases once more. Ready to make the world a better place.

Nick groaned then his eyes drowsily opened. He yawned then scratched his muzzle then shook a little, fluffing up his bed fur. 

"Feeling better, Carrots?" He asked as he yawned again. 

"You've looked better, Nick." She giggled a little as she patted down a stray fur sticking up his head. The fox looked down at her, noticing how a part of her sunny disposition was back. He couldn't help but smile. 

"As if you look any better."   _ _Who am I kidding, of course she looks better. How can someone look so beautiful in the morning?__

"I'm just saying, you look horrible with those bags under your eyes." 

"Says the one with the puffed face." 

They both laughed after she punched him on his arm and how he slightly yelped after. And Nick felt relief flow through his veins. 

"Let's get breakfast, sleepy head. I'm craving for waffles." She jumped down her bed, moving towards her array of clothes hanged near the foot of her bed, by the wall. Nick watched her tail twitch and her half-perked ears stride along the room. 

"Judy." 

The rabbit turned to face the fox. His expression was solemn. The mammal gently smiled at him, understanding the way his voice called out to her, even the intensity of his gaze. 

"It's okay, Nick. I feel better now. Thank you." And she really was. "Oh you foxes, so emotional." She turned to head for her comfort room.

"Oh my dear Carrots, have you forgotten? you're the one who soaked my shirt last night. Let me just tell you. How hard it was to skiddy out of you just to take my shirt off." 

"Hey, Nick?"  

Nick stopped, staring at her stiff back and her slightly bowed down head, taken aback by her sudden change of tone. She played with the clothes hanger and her purple shirt. 

"What is it, Judy?" She could feel the concern and softness laced unto his voice. She turned to face him. 

"You know I love you, right?" 

Nick's eyes widened. 

"No matter what happens, please, always know that."

A glimmer of hope sparked for a moment but soon the realization of it all deflated his senses. His eyes went back to its natural half-lidded look.  _ _Not that way__ , he thought to himself as he chuckled inwardly, feigning the small croak stuck in his throat and the slight pang in his chest. She pouted. 

"I'm serious, Nick." 

"I know, Carrots." 

Judy took note of how his usually suave and slick features turned gentle and fragile at the same time, even the way his voice cracked a little when he talked. She wondered why.

"And you do know I love you too, right?"  

She felt her heart beat faster, her signature toothy grin appearing to match that distinct yet lovely smirk of his (that the rabbit came to adore). Her feet instinctively brought her towards him, into his arms, and against his chest. The fox cradled her once more, this time, out of nothing but the overabundance of love and affection he carries for her. 

"Never doubted it, Wilde." He could feel her growing smile against his chest as he tightened his embrace. It's a mystery how perfectly made their bodies are together.

"Never have,"  

It evades him, how she could recklessly and easily throw the word 'love' at him yet sound and feel so sincere at the same time. Because to be loved by Judy Hopps, whatever kind of love that may be, would always and forever be more than enough. 

"And never will." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo what are your thoughts? :) Would love to hear feedback/criticisms


End file.
